Please, please find someone cooler who has no suspicious power dynamics going on . Thing is, being 20, there are things best learned by experience that you haven’t had time to learn yet, and he knows it, and you know it too. And because of that, relationships really can’t be put on hold until a more convenient time. And it’s unfair of him to ask you to pay attention to him in the interim, while he’s also saying that he can’t date you, openly and uncomplicatedly, and meet your needs right now.
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I think you need to move on from this one. If he can’t enthusiastically get his head around dating you for whatever the reason, you deserve better. An older man is fun, and exciting, and interesting, but my opinion, for what it’s worth – not for your first. You deserve someone who is in the same headspace/time as you. 24 is the minimum acceptable age for someone of his age to date.
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No woman worth her salt his own age would have put up with half the shit I did and unfortunately he was my first everything so I had a very skewed perception of relationships for a bit after that. You seem to know your answer – you’re at different places in your life. You want to date people in a not-heading-right-to-marriage way, maybe be sexual with people you’re really close to, but not marry the first person you are with out of the gate. Meanwhile, if what you say is true, he wants a longer, exclusive relationship, but he wants you to wait for that until you’re 25 and will meet his requirments.
The sole suspect, a 17-year-old boy who was dating Samiya, was “quickly identified” and taken into custody Sunday night, police said. He has not yet been formally charged, police said. And of that 60%, the vast majority (51%) like women who are 1 to 4 years younger than them, 27% like women who are 5 to 9 years younger than them, and 22% like women who are more than 10 years younger than them.
He’s an adult professional dating a college student aspiring to that profession, which is a big power imbalance. He has all kinds of bullshit rhetoric about how relationships “should” be. He makes decisions about the relationship without your input. But what it sounds like is that there are some real incompatibilities here, only some of which have to do with the age gap. Brief breakups that are common are NOT normal, under any circumstances.
Sex with someone you’re emotionally wrapped up in who is, at best, not sure about you and at worst, actively manipulating you will not be the magic key to change his mind towards a secure, loving relationship with you. It will only result in you feeling bad about yourself, especially when it’s your first experience of sex. It will make you skeptical of future relationships before they even get off the ground, and that is not baggage you want to be carrying, trust me. I’m also wondering if you guys don’t have different and incompatible views of the nature of your relationship. Like maybe you see this as an exclusive Boyfriend-Girlfriend relationship leading towards marriage, and he sees this as a casual open thing where, because he’s not having sex with you, he is free to see other people.
Married? In a relationship? Just checking? Check your gap
The Standard Group is recognized as a leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest. There were always a few girls at HS that wanted to date the 22 year old guys that never left our hometown…. Same way st college with freshman wanting to date the occasional year olds around campus. He seems to be wanting to relive his younger days lately and now in the process of splitting up. I mean really what he’s saying is that he knows you’re vulnerable enough that he could “influence you” and ruin your life, but he’s not mature enough to let you go, because he really wants to have sex with you.
(Other than think to ourselves, Huh, that’s interesting.) Well, for starters, just keep it in mind. There are a lot of reasons why men typically like dating younger women, and maybe you’re one of those men. Being aware of who you’re attracted to and why can help you find the person who’s right for you. Experts say that, when it comes to marriage, the important thing is to have the same core values and to be a good team. So, while being in a marriage with a big age difference may come with its own unique set of challenges, as long as you picked the right person, there’s nothing preventing you to making it for the long haul.
I’m also with those who think that there’s someone else in his life. For one thing, the power differential of always being the needy one in the relationship and never being able to give generously of myself really bummed me out. I also felt like my partners were experiencing pressures about dating someone so young, while if anything I was getting approval from my friends about my choice of awesome partners who, like, had jobs and were good at sex and stuff. This guy is taking advantage of the many subtle and non-intuitive things you don’t yet know to look for but are freaking the fuck out of the many older women in this thread who have literally been there and are trying to point them out. He is both fully defining the relationship, hell you even phrased your question as if from his perspective, and using that power to craft a really unhealthy one.
I’m not normally uncomfortable with peoples personal choices like this but for some reason I cant shake this. Maybe I am wrong and there are plenty of adults in their 30s who would be totally cool with this… You haven’t had sexual intercourse, and you haven’t had oral sex (or even any sort of sex/physical contact, since you’re now only meeting in public places??). And now he’s telling you that he doesn’t want to have sex with you anytime in the near future either. Also he knows you’re vulnerable but thinks that he has SO MUCH influence over you that you wouldn’t know when to leave him. Adding yet another voice to the “get off this guy’s hook and enjoy your 20s” group.